6 Things To Remember When You Feel Like You Don't Matter
6 Things To Remember When You Feel Like You Don’t Matter

Because life can be difficult and scary and make you feel things… like the idea that you don’t matter.

I’m going to be super raw and honest with you guys right now, which is something I have a hard time doing because I’m not the best when it comes to talking about or sharing emotions. But, I’ve never been mentally healthy. I’ve always struggled with mild depression, anxiety, stress, and just feeling like utter crap about everything— especially about myself. I don’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t struggling with depression and negativity. That’s one reason why I turned to makeup and blogging. It was a coping mechanism. A way for me to distract myself from my thoughts by playing with pretty glitter eyeshadows and buying 10 shades of nude lipsticks that are similar, but different.

When I think about it, my life is great. I come from a well off family. I’ve never had to struggle financially. I never had to worry about how I’m going to pay for the roof over my head or how I’m going to pay for college or my textbooks or a laptop so I can get my work done. Deep down I know that I’m blessed and fortunate. But depression, no matter how severe or mild, doesn’t care about any of that stuff, and has a way of making you feel like everything is wrong.

I’ve gone through my whole life feeling like I don’t matter. There are still some nights where I lie in bed, and think about how great it would be if I just didn’t exist. How my existence is futile and I have nothing to offer. Graduating college made things 100 times worse. I left behind the warm comfort of academia where I excelled and was thrust into the cold, bitter shoulder of reality. A reality that didn’t give two shits about me.

Let’s just be honest here– life is fucking hard. For everyone. And it’s 100 times harder when it feels like your mind is against you, too. But on the flip side, your brain is like a muscle and it can be trained. Change the way you think and your whole life will change too.

6 Things To Remember When You Feel Like You Don’t Matter


Feelings are fleeting

They come and go and they’re always changing. Just because you’re in a funk right now doesn’t mean you’ll never get out of it and experience some happiness and fulfillment. Cry it out. Write it out. Exercise it out. But getting those feelings out of your mind will help ease it and allow more positive thoughts to flow in.

Someone out there thinks you matter

I always hated hearing this when I felt down in the dumps because it sounds so cliche, but it’s true: someone out there thinks you matter. Even the little things you have done have mattered. Whether it’s the person you held the door open for because you saw them carrying 5 books in their arms and you wanted to make things a little easier for them. Or whether it’s the woman you sold a lipstick to that made her feel beautiful, you mattered. Whether you bought a stranger some coffee without expecting anything in return or taught your mom how to T9 text in the early 2000s, you mattered. Little things like that always matter. Even though it may seem like nothing to you, you made a difference to someone’s life and you matter.

When I was 5 I had a freak accident and a metal rod ended up going halfway through my leg. I was in Dubai visiting my aunt who didn’t have a car so my mom was carrying me to the nearby hospital when a woman saw my leg gushing blood, pulled over, and offered to give us a ride there. She didn’t have to do that considering we were strangers, and you know what they say about stranger danger, but she did; if she hadn’t, who knows what would have happened. I don’t know who she was and I would never be able to pick her out of a lineup, but she mattered. She might not even remember this considering it happened 20 years ago. But even 20 years later, every time I look down at my scar I think about the nice lady who gave me a ride to the hospital. She might not know it, but she definitely matters to me.

Happiness can always be found

My favorite quote from Harry Potter is:

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.

It’s true. No matter how much your mind tries to sway you into thinking differently, there is always something to be happy about. Being grateful and writing down what you’re thankful for will always stop your negative feelings. It was 2 am and I was trying to go to bed when the same negative thoughts about how I don’t matter started seeping into my brain. Instead of letting my thoughts eat away at me, I thought about the things I need to remember when I have those feelings. That’s when I started to write this post and I’m already feeling better because I’ve been thinking about all the things I’m grateful for instead of all the things I wish I could change.

You’re the one that won

You’ve probably seen the meme saying “when you’re feeling down, remember, you’re the sperm that won.” YOU. There’s a reason YOU were the one that made it so you do matter. Maybe you don’t know why you were the one that won, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re the one that made it. There’s a reason why it wasn’t someone else; it was you.

It’s not just you

It’s called an existential crisis for a reason. Everyone goes through these feelings of whether or not we have any meaning or purpose or value or if we even matter to anyone in the grand scheme of things. You’re not alone in these feelings, but how you handle them is what matters the most. Feeling sorry for yourself and dwelling in your sorrow for too long will only make you feel worse. It’s okay that you have these thoughts, but don’t ever feel alone when you have them because you’re not. After graduating college I felt so lost in the world, and I still do. But talking to several of my friends about it and being open and honest about feeling lost, like I have no purpose in life, made me realize that so many people I know feel this way. Life is the longest thing you’re ever going to do. You’re bound to have low moments where you feel insignificant, but those low moments are just a part of life. Remember, feelings are fleeting.

It’s you, yourself, and you

At the end of the day, you’re not here for anyone else, but yourself. Like Beyonce said, “it’s me, myself, and I. That’s all I got in the end.” If you feel like you don’t matter to others, and that no one cares about your existence, screw it. You need to matter for yourself and care about yourself. Because you’re worth it. And you’re going to be spending a hell of a lot of time with yourself so you might as well learn to love you for you. Do things that make you happy and make you feel like you’re making a difference. It doesn’t have to be anything grand, but do it for you. Not for anyone else.

Let's Talk | 6 Things To Remember When You Feel Like You Don't Matter
Let’s Talk | 6 Things To Remember When You Feel Like You Don’t Matter

P.S. I’ve been wanting to do something a little different with my blog for a while now, but I’ve always been scared to because why the hell would anyone care about what I have to say? Well, I’m still nervous to talk about other topics like this, but I want to change things up a bit. New year, new me? My goal is to make this space on the Internet more than just makeup and skincare. I want to really get to know you guys more, connect with everyone and really build our own little safe space. If you hate this idea, let ya girl know– gently :p. But, if you like this idea, let ya girl know, too!

How do you cope with feeling down? Let me know in the comments below!

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  • I love the layout of your blog! The minimalist color scheme really looks great!! And I totally agree that feelings are fleeting. One day you really like someone and the next day you can’t stand them but it’s so important to not let these feelings affect your self worth. Great post!

    – Avalon from simplyavalon.blogspot.com

  • You brought tears to my eyes with this, Nida. It’s so beautifully written and I could feel you through your words. I know depression well after battling it for many years and I know that deep hole well. Thank you for speaking up, hugs. xx

    • That’s exactly what it is– a deep hole. Thank you for the sweet words, my love. It always helps to know you’re not alone out there feeling these feelings. Thank you for the beautiful comment xx

  • So brave of you to share your feelings Nida and I can assure that I, and many others, can relate to them as well. I was a very depressed teenager/young adult and battled with depression, an eating disorder, I was suicidal, I self-harmed and even though right now I feel like the luckiest girl on Earth, having found peace, happiness having my wonderful husband and family by my side, sometimes that darkness somehow finds its way back in. The worst thing is when someone says “you have nothing to be sad or “depressed” about” but it’s not that simple. It’s like being sad or feeling lonely for no reason.

    You already know that that quote is one of my favorite HP quotes too! :) And I can tell you this: you matter. I’ll always remember you reaching out to me when my grandma passed away and even though it might have been a short exchange, you helped me begin a healing process. You are so kind and loving, beautiful and talented and smart and I’m sure you know all of this, but it’s just in case you need a little reminder :) We’re all unique and we all have something special and precious to offer to this world. I loved this post and can’t wait to see more posts like this one from you! Love you girl!! xx

    Thirteen Thoughts

    • I so know what you mean, girl. So many people would tell me I have nothing to be sad about. I’m lucky because I don’t have any financial woes, and I come from a good family, but people who don’t suffer with depression don’t understand that it’s deeper than all of that.

      I’m trying not to tear up again as I read your comment. Thank you so much, my love, and I feel all those things about you!! Having this little community means so much to me, and I’m so glad we were able to connect online, babe. Love you more!! xx

  • Oh Nida, I am so thankful that you shared this! I could’ve been writing this. Like you, I had a very nice, spoiled life. Even though I moved from the Philippines when I was 2, my family struggled but worked their asses off to ensure my sisters and I had a nice life. And we did. It ended us with big houses, nice vacations, a lot of clothes, and now a beautiful wedding next month. But I’ve also had weak moments too: struggling with lupus, and gaining weight from prednisone made me feel so horrible about myself made me turn to makeup, which is what led me to creating a blog. I also was bullied A LOT in middle and high school, and it still affects me even at 27. I even remember during my senior year in a math class, these 2 guys were throwing baby carrots at me, and then there was another instance where they were telling me I wasn’t worth shit. I had to hold back the tears but the teacher knew and threatened to put them in trouble if they ever did that. I loved her. I also remember just being the butt of jokes in middle school and how guys pretended to like me as jokes, or spread rumors about me being pregnant (at 13! Can you imagine that?!) I’ve also been struggling to get a job after graduating college, and I’ve had a few internships in the meantime but it’s been such a struggle. Getting my license suspended (because of seizures) while taking upper division classes ruined me, especially because I couldn’t work or intern, or do much while I wasn’t driving. I have so much student loans too and bills too, and I’m stressed out about how to pay them off while beginning the married life.

    It’s hard to talk to others about it (except for my fiance), but I’m thankful for the blogging world, and that there are so many people going through the same thing. Anxiety, depression, etc. and just because you have been born with so much blessings, doesn’t mean it won’t affect you. Celebrities have the most privileged lives but they are some of the most miserable people.

    And please, I would love to read other topics from you! Your blog is one of my favorites, and I get so much inspiration from you.


    • It’s so sad how people can be so cruel, even at such a young age. It’s so important to surround yourself with genuine, kind people, and that’s why I’m so glad we were able to meet over the Internet :). It’s amazing how much everyone goes through, and when you meet someone you never know about their struggles and what they have been through. Everyone is going through something so it’s so important to spread happiness and positivity. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. Just because something happened years ago doesn’t mean it still doesn’t affect you. Congratulations on the wedding next month! It’s so great that you have a fiance you can be open and honest with– so important. And thank you so much for the sweet words, lovely! It means more than you’ll ever know!! xx

  • I’m not really sure where to start so that I don’t end up sounding like I’m going into a huge, nonsensical reply, but here goes! I too struggle with anxiety and depression. There are ups and downs of course, but a general tendency towards sadness. I very much needed to read this post today.

    There’s a silly taboo on talking about mental health issues, but I think not talking about it all can easily make things worse for someone because, as you said, no one is alone going through these issues. This post was so beautifully written, and I can very much feel your heart behind it. I can tell how thoughtful you are by how you write, and it is truly a pleasure getting to know you a little more each day.

    Of course, I think you should write about anything you want to write about! I’ll be here to read it.

    Jenn – http://www.beautybyjellybean.com

    • Nonsensical and I go hand in hand LOL! But this comment was far from it.

      Thank you so much Jenn! It’s so great when you’re finally able to open up and really realize you’re not the only one going through these struggles. I think it’s very important to talk about mental health exactly for the reason you said. Your comment is making me tear up now, but I’m so glad you liked this post, and I’m so glad we’ve been able to connect and get to know one another. Hopefully one day we’ll be able to have that meet up soon :)

    • That’s definitely not cool! It’s so hard to deal with those feelings in the work environment. Do you have anyone there that you look up to that you could talk to? Work is such a touchy/hard subject because every company’s culture is so different. I hope they start to appreciate you more and realize it’s not okay to walk all over you. xx

  • I am so glad you got over the nerves and posted this hun. You’re right…this is your space on the Internet and you should feel like you can write about anything that interests you. Seriously appreciating this post…needed those reminders just now. :) xxx
    Sal | UmmBaby Beauty

    • I’m glad you liked it babe :). I just never want to come off negative or complainy so I’m always afraid to post things like this. I know makeup/blogging was/is my escape from all of that, and I’m sure it is for a lot of people so I never want to be a downer when people come to my site. Thanks for the sweet words and encouragement! xx

  • I also struggle with little depression & anxiety which brings me down no matter how much I try. But these tips here are really similar to what I try to remind myself whenever I feel like that. Thanks for sharing xx

    Kaylee 🌛ㅣJK’s Dawn

  • This whole post sums up my whole life! I’ve struggled with the same issues, and get seasonal affective disorder every year. I feel like I always have to remind myself that whatever my brain/mind is telling me isn’t real and that everything will be ok once Winter is over. It breaks my heart whenever I hear someone is in a similar situation, because I know how low it makes people feel. That’s why Spring is my favourite season! Everything starts to get better for me then.

    So glad you shared this post, it’s so important to never fell like you aren’t worth anything.

    19 by Chance | 1415

  • I couldn’t agree more with everything in this post. I have this saved so i can read it every time i feel like crap. I started blogging as an escape route too from my depression and anxiety. Life is so tough and no matter how many times i try to do most of these things and tell myself i matter my brain always takes over and says otherwise. I’ll get there one day! Thank you so much for this post, such a relief reading this as you always think your so alone and the only one going through it.
    Natalie xx

  • This is so honest and I really, really appreciate where you’re coming from. I relate to a lot you talked about in this post, and it’s definitely not easy when some people don’t have a clue on what things like depression and anxiety actually are. I’ts refreshing to see someone clarify it in a way that is pure and admirable. I’m so glad you wrote this post!

    Much love xx

    Imogen/ http://www.faux-silk.com

  • Today was a hella rough day and I’m glad I checked in on your blog this week because this post saved my night while sitting in class. Love you <3

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